10 Lessons from Learning to Love Myself | www.elisemcdowell.com

I’ve come a long way in the last year and a half.

From being bullied and harassed by my boss to running my own online business. Almost seems like something you read in the papers when you think about it!

In that time, there have been maaaaany hurdles and a ton of lessons. All in which have made me stronger, wiser and so much happier.

I’ve been wanting to share with you for a while now what I have learned so far by welcoming self love into my life. Whether you’ve tried it, are practicing diligently or have never heard of it – I hope this helps you in any way it can.

    Every part of you has a place. EVERY part of you. Even the bitchy demon-like diva that comes out every few weeks from lack of sleep and chocolate. Yes, she has a place. You see, we women are so colorful yet we forget our emotions are our assets. We care about EVERYTHING and we gauge our life by how we feel. So imagine if we suddenly lobotomized half of our emotions (all the negative ones). Life would be too much like “Pleasantville” – a horror I’m sure we’d all like to forget! We need contrast to thrive.

    It’s about being gentle. When I first “discovered” self love I went on a rampage to smother myself with it in almost like a military-style way. 10x affirmations in the morning! 20 minutes of positive visualization and rule after rule after rule. And you know what happened? It sucked! I didn’t wanna love myself anymore if that’s what it was gonna be like! But then I realized that it’s all about being gentle with ourselves, nurturing is such a natural feminine trait and instead I was up at base camp getting ready for my next deployment!

    The loneliness, disconnect or emptiness dissipates. That hole, that empty feeling doesn’t come around my way very much anymore. It’s not gone, it will never leave but with all of this attention and bringing it to light, we are slowly learning to be in harmony with each other. I give it what it needs when it needs it and it gives me what I need when I need it. Yin and Yang.

    Life improves effortlessly. I truly believe that if you weren’t going to do anything in your life except learn to love yourself – that would be more than enough. Things just get better.

    Pleasure naturally becomes a priority. Rather than indulging yourself once in a while, your pleasure and enjoyment takes first place. Because eventually you start figuring out that the key to your own happiness is through filling yourself up first. So instead of ploughing in one more hour of work time, you instinctively know your body is tired, ready for a break, a hot chocolate, a foot spa or cuddles with your man. You learn that by taking care of you first, you can take care other things more effectively.

    You become intuitively aligned with yourself. When you’ve been practicing self love for a while, you no longer have the urge to get in front of the mirror and start a war. Instead, you know there are days when you are going to want to hurt – probably for know reason at all. And because you intuitively understand yourself, you love and nurture that part of yourself until you feel better.

    Jealousy and insecurity eliminates itself. This has been one of the greatest gifts to me. I know that a lot of people are hurting via these two feelings, it’s like actual hell. But self love changes that, quicker than you expect! Letting go of these demons has been one of my greatest achievements.

    Gratitude comes easily. Appreciation attracts support. By already supporting myself I have been able to send more gratitude out into the world. I have more to give because I served myself first, I filled my cup up. And when you can come from a place of being full rather than empty, the universe backs you 100% are in turn even shows you it’s gratitude by bringing your beautiful unexpected gifts and opportunities.

    The hatred will slowly turn into a friendship. If you’re diligent and you keep at it, the hate you feel for yourself will transform, at first slowly, but it will. First you may stop talking to each other for a while, then when that part of you is ready you get on talking terms, then a possible acquaintance, then a friendship and finally a love affair. It takes practice and I am in no way near the finish line just yet, but I’m living proof that you’re not doing this all for nothing at that there is progress.

    You lose the guilt for putting yourself first. This is a HUGE hang up women have when they start their self love journey. Don’t let the guilt stop you! That’s just your ego doing it’s thang again trying to make you feel bad so that it doesn’t have to change it’s routine. Stick on it, the guilt will subside and you’ll start feel more in control of your life and the outcome. You’ll start claiming your power back.

    10x happier guaranteed. I thought I knew happiness, real happiness. But the true happiness I feel right now never leaves. Of course I’ll have off days and feel less than ‘on top of the world’ but somewhere within I know that while I’m feeling like this at the moment, I’m still a happy girl and I really know it. The outside/surface may change everyday, but it’s the inside that never changes.

    Self love is a personal journey and it does require courage, but I know for a fact that if you’re reading this you are a very courageous person. Bring it on yeah!

    And to be honest I really don’t care what people say about self love and if it’s woo woo or whatever. Adding more love, pleasure and care to myself has made me a better woman. It was worth every affirmation!

    Action Step: In your journey to loving yourself more, what’s one thing you have learned about yourself?
    • lovely post! xx

      The Provocative Couture

    • love it and lol @ the 10x positive affirmations per day… etc! ive been there too. still learning about the art of less is more and being gentle with myself! so true

    • Elise, beautifully said. I couldn't agree with you more. I figured out a while ago that filling myself up first was the most unselfish thing I could do. Because then, I have so much more to give everyone else.

    • Aw thank you hun!x

    • Gosh aren't we all! It's a never ending journey, but well worth it! xx

    • So true Brooke, that's what I'm spending these next 6 months doing – filling myself up. Thank you for your msg!x