One day after school as all the kids left, I walked alone to start heading home. I thought nobody was on the playground until I suddenly heard, “Hey Eyenie!”
“Yeah?” I said, looking up.
Ok…had I just heard that? Elation and giddiness came over me. It turned instantly bitter when the other verbal shoe dropped with, “UGLY! Hahaha! You’re PRETTY UGLY!”
Though I felt humiliated, these boys weren’t telling me anything new, but simply confirming what I already thought about myself.
Though my family has always been supportive and lovely, somehow they inadvertently made me believe that in order to be “enough” I needed to be beautiful, and I saw nothing beautiful about myself.
So, I developed this whole set of beliefs in my head that were based on the assumption, “Eyenie is ugly and not enough.” You can imagine what sorts of other thoughts this lead to…
I tried to exceed in other areas and please everyone as much as possible (which is impossible, let’s face it); it was exhausting. I was the good girl, dutiful, the person you could always count on, no matter how uncomfortable it was for me. I became a self-deprecating doormat and thought that it was much more important to make sure everyone around me was ok. And worst of all, I was always chipper and happy-go-lucky, but didn’t understand how people could feel joy or be happy…
I sure wasn’t! I got small bursts of what seemed like happiness when receiving accolades, or solving problems, or getting approval… all from someone else.
As soon as I finished university I decided to leave Colorado, where I grew up, in order to find happiness. I went to New York. Then Los Angeles. I tried New Orleans, France…I left every place feeling miserable and empty. One day it dawned on me: if all these amazing places and people I was meeting couldn’t make me happy, then something inside of me needed to change!
This simple notion created a huge shift, and I started learning about ways to change from within. I’ve put together a list of the tools that have helped me love myself. They support me on a daily basis so I can R A D I A T E to my fullest potential. Some of my faves are:
1. Do as much as you can from a space of LOVE and not FEAR.
When your decisions are fear-based, you’re not living your truth or stepping into your power or owning your strengths. Stop acting on fear, and love yourself enough to do what’s best for you…even if others don’t like it.
2. “Thoughts are like raindrops. Would you argue with a raindrop?” ~ Byron Katie.
Well, would you? Other people’s thoughts are simply that: other people’s thoughts. They do not define who or what you are, what you can or can’t do, your worth, etc.
3. People don’t make me feel bad; I make myself feel bad!
If someone says something, I can let it hurt me…or, I can remember # 2 and decide not to let someone else’s thought or vision affect me and my experience.
4. Happiness is a choice, and “if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice” ~Rush.
If you’re not feeling happy or joyful, you have the choice to do something that will make you feel good
5. You are beautiful, even if you don’t fit everyone’s standards.
There are many lovely things about you; take the time to pay attention!
6. Your focus creates your reality.
If you only focus on your perceived shortcomings, or what isn’t right in your life, that’s all you will see! When you start focusing on what you do have going for you, and what is right with your life, you’ll find that starts expanding!
7. Allow yourself some “want” and stop “should-ing all over yourself”!
Doing things you LOVE makes you the best possible you! And when you’re that version of yourself, you are a love, abundance, happiness and positivity magnet!
What’s holding you back from feeling beautiful and really living a life you love? How can you take action today, even with a simple mindset shift?
Guest Post by Eyenie Schultz